Welcome to this blog!

Have you ever read a blog? Well, after reading this blog, you'll be thinking, "Holy crap, it seems as if I've never read a blog before!" Of course, after reading this, you will have read a blog, and you won't be thinking that anymore. That's how good my blog is. It literally makes you forget about all the blogs you've ever read before this one, because compared to this one, it looks like a pidgeon took a crap on a computer screen and clicked "Publish." Technically, that would just produce an empty blog, because pidgeon crap doesn't show up in blogs, but you get the point.

Welcome, friends. If sliced bread had a blog, then this would be the best blog since sliced bread made aforementioned blog.
Try saying that last sentence 5 times fast. Now try saying it 5 times fast while your stupid housemate Mike prattles on in your ear about how good his ramen is. It's IMPOSSIBLE. God damn it, Mike.

So, the point is, this blog is going to be good. I've already explained how good it will be in two different ways. I guess I might as well keep going. It will be so good that if you ran into a genie, and the genie said you could have 3 wishes, the first would be to go back in time and relive the moment when you were reading my blog. Then you'll do that again 2 more times.

So, enjoy, you silly boys and girls. Someday, when the tales of yore are being told, somebody will unravel this blog, which will of course be copied onto the historical parchments, and read it to the children of the future.

To the children of the future, I say...

Please tell me people don't wear 3D glasses from movie theaters anymore.