My 6 AM Delirium

Well, it’s 6:18 AM, I’m still awake, and I feel a little delirious. If I’m being honest, I just want to write to see what will come out of this lil tweaked out mind right now. So go ahead brain, do your thing. You know? YOU KNOW?

All right, yall, let’s hit it. First of all, screw essays. No, actually. Ok this may sound a little weird, buuuuut… I like writing essays! I said it. I’m not afraid to admit it anymore. I’m thinking about going FB official with essays, but she essaid that she’s not ready for the commitment. I said, “What’s wrong, ese?” and she said “I just don’t think of you that essway.”

Essay puns! You ever think about the fact that “friend zone” rhymes with “end zone?” That’s weird, because being in the endzone is awesome, cuz you either just scored a touchdown or you’re using a dirty euphemism. BUT being in the friend zone is worse than having scalding hot knives shoved down your throat while crocodiles nibble at your genitals.
I think in football, they should replace the “end zone” with the “friend zone.” It would be the same rules. Every time you get into the friend zone you get 6 points, but then for the rest of the game, a really attractive girl will follow you around complaining about her boyfriend, wishing she could “just find somebody nice.” That way, when you get a touchdown, you win the game, but do you really win? Really? You may have scored, but you’re not gonna score. WHOOOOAAAAAA! Boom shaka laka, yall!

Boom shaka laka?
I believe it’s time for bed.

One more thing. Chapstick is a name brand lip balm, BUT how did they come up with that name? I like to think that way back in the 1800’s, during cowboy times, when men wearing leather chaps wasn’t gay, there was a monster. It would get inside your chaps and eat away at your skin. It was called “the chaps tick.” Then, a brilliant man by the name of Jaison DeQuanda (I don’t know who invented chapstick, but I’m assuming that was his name) invented a special moisturizer that you could put on your legs after the chaps tick did his dirty work. It was called “chaps-tick-stick.” Then, in another brilliant marketing move, they invented a superbug to combat the evil chaps tick. He would eat chaps-tick-stick and track down the chaps tick, and kill him with chaps-tick-stick. He was called the Chaps-tick-stick-tick. His name was Rick. However, soon he realized his own potential, and started squirting his chaps-tick-stick into tubes and selling it. And that’s the story of how Chapstick started!

Good night everyone!
It’s still technically dark, don’t judge me. 

Nessie Knoll

Note: this blog is not funny at all.

So, from what I heard, Nessie Knoll died one year and one day ago. And it has hit me hard. It has hit me extremely hard. Partly because she is the first person that I've actually had some kind of connection with that has died. But I think it's mostly because I respected her so much when she was alive.

I just got back from a walk around the block. I saw my friend's status on Facebook saying that Nessie Knoll died a year and a day ago, and immediately I started crying. I don't mean like a few tears. I mean BAWLLLLINNNN! Ok sorry but seriously tears were shooting from my face like a waterslide. I could not stop the tears from coming. I had friends over, so I decided to take a walk, and along my walk, I was making noises I had not heard myself make in my entire life. Noises of pure, 100% grief. And I thought "Why is this happening? I hardly knew Nessie!"

I hardly knew her. Maybe the problem is exactly that. She's gone, and I hardly knew her. I went to Del Dayo elementary school with her for 6+ years, and still I can honestly say I hardly knew her. I think that's part of the problem. I'm crying because I will never ever get a chance to know her. I've seen her facebook photos, and she seems like a really cool person. She does gymnastics, and from what I saw of her in elementary school, she had amazing potential. Were she alive today, I am sure she would be in the olympics some day.

But she's not. She's gone. Which horrifies me. What if I die before I achieve what I know I'm capable of? She had so much potential, and neither she nor the world got to see what she can achieve. It's horrible. And that is why I'm tearing up as a write this. All right, tearing up is an understatement. I have literally wiped off my keyboard 3 times since writing this.

So I'm crying. I wish the world could see her amazing potential. The worst part is, I imagine how her best friends feel. Those people who trusted her, who could confide in her anything. And all of a sudden that amazing feeling of trust and companionship is gone forever, and there is nothing they can do to get it back. I can't even imagine how that feels, and I never, ever want to experience it. So, best friends of Nessie, if you are reading this, I am sincerely sorry for the horrible loss you have experienced. I hardly knew her, and tears are streaming from my face, so I can't imagine what it's like for you. I wouldn't wish this pain on anybody. I'm sorry if this made it worse, I just felt like I needed to express how I felt, since a few people were staring at me strangely for crying right after a party.

This may not be the best blog ever, but it's the best I could do, and I hope it does justice to the wonderful person that was Nessie Knoll. The world misses you, and hopefully your soul gets reincarnated in the form of Michael Phelps. You honestly deserve it. Also, Happy 21st birthday. I wish that you were here to celebrate it, but I promise you, I took a shot in your honor.

R.I.P. Nessie Knoll