Things I learned from doing community service

Normal guys commit crimes.

Hot girls commit crimes too.

Really, really weird people commit crimes too.

Dancing does not count as community service, unless everybody around you is drunk.

You look busy if you are standing up. If you are sitting down, people assume that you are not doing anything, and will ask you for stuff. However, the instant you stand up, people assume you are standing for a reason.

People who work at the Museum of Art and History don't think Stephen Hawking impressions are funny.

People who work at the Museum of Art and History do not enjoy being referred to as "crazy lady."

People who work at the Museum of Art and History know how to party.

If you are a man working on a project, never ever utter the phrase "just the way daddy likes it," as you hammer a nail into wood. It's just creepy.

Apparently me saying "I just needed to stretch" is worth about 5 minutes of laughter to some people.

Old people like to be just as crude and inappropriate as us youngsters. Case in point: I was dancing, and backing up as if there was somebody grinding on me. I said, "I really need somebody behind me to do this," and a 60 year old woman said, "That's what she said!" I literally collapsed onto a chair laughing.

Any drink looks like Pepsi, when simply placed into a Pepsi can.


Old people tend to take a single sip of their drinks, and then leave them unattended. Enjoy, underage volunteers!

Nobody really gives a crap.

Palm trees are really heavy. If you ever have an opportunity to carry a palm tree, don't take it.

Getting stabbed in the chest by wire statues really hurts.

Moroccan food is amazing.

Moroccan food is amazing.

MOROCCAN FOOD IS AMAZING.

Complaining about how tired you are is always a good conversation starter. It's also a good way to get people to tell you to shut up.

Parking enforcement officers actually do care if you stay in the 3-hour spot longer than 3 hours.

No matter where you do it, community service sucks.

Don't do community service. Just kidding. But seriously. Don't.

Harry Potter 7

Well, I must say, the Harry Potter 7 premiere was one of the most EPIC NIGHTS I've had in a long time. Let me explain to you how cool it is to be around about 600 Harry Potter nerds.

Point #1. I think you'd be surprised at how many Harry Potter nerd are extremely hot girls. If you are a true Harry Potter fan, you've basically been following it since around 2nd grade, when the first book came out. Now, back when they were in second grade, the little girls fell in love with the books. Then they grew up, still loving the books, and became insanely hot. I don't think I've met a Harry Potter fan that hasn't read the books from the very beginning of their existence... for example, my friend Kelly tried reading the books when she was older, and she did not enjoy them. This is probably because she didn't start from the beginning, and also because she is SATAN. Anyway, the point is, last night, there were a ton of hot girls waiting in line outside the theater, and let's just say that I may have Patronused way sooner than I expecto'd.

Point #2. The more obscure your costume is, the more people love it. There are about a million people dressed as Harry, and Hermione, and Ron. I was the only person there wearing a cow costume. Oh, you read right. A cow costume. Actually, my upper half was a wizard, with a nice argyle sweater and a tie, but my lower half was a cow. Naturally, a lot of people wondered what I was. Why was I wearing a cow costume? Why was I dancing in the middle of the street, pouring apple cider down my pants? Well, I'll tell you.
First of all, that second part didn't actually happen. I didn't even have access to apple cider. But, I was wearing a cow costume. So when people asked what I was, I said "I'm an animagus in training. You see, I'm about halfway through the training program, thus I can only become half a cow." It was pretty sweet.  About 10 people said that I had the best costume there, which was weird, because my costume had almost nothing to do with Harry Potter. Oh, well.

Point #3. Some girl said I was cute! That was awesome.

So, recap of what happened last night. Once we got to the theater, we walked around, casting spells on people, and talking to people with the coolest costumes/ the hottest girls with the lamest costumes. We witnessed a Harry Potter rap, a wizard's duel, and some weird homeless guy who went around, creeping everybody out. All in all, it was a fantastic night. I love Harry Potter.

Welcome to this blog!

Have you ever read a blog? Well, after reading this blog, you'll be thinking, "Holy crap, it seems as if I've never read a blog before!" Of course, after reading this, you will have read a blog, and you won't be thinking that anymore. That's how good my blog is. It literally makes you forget about all the blogs you've ever read before this one, because compared to this one, it looks like a pidgeon took a crap on a computer screen and clicked "Publish." Technically, that would just produce an empty blog, because pidgeon crap doesn't show up in blogs, but you get the point.

Welcome, friends. If sliced bread had a blog, then this would be the best blog since sliced bread made aforementioned blog.
Try saying that last sentence 5 times fast. Now try saying it 5 times fast while your stupid housemate Mike prattles on in your ear about how good his ramen is. It's IMPOSSIBLE. God damn it, Mike.

So, the point is, this blog is going to be good. I've already explained how good it will be in two different ways. I guess I might as well keep going. It will be so good that if you ran into a genie, and the genie said you could have 3 wishes, the first would be to go back in time and relive the moment when you were reading my blog. Then you'll do that again 2 more times.

So, enjoy, you silly boys and girls. Someday, when the tales of yore are being told, somebody will unravel this blog, which will of course be copied onto the historical parchments, and read it to the children of the future.

To the children of the future, I say...

Please tell me people don't wear 3D glasses from movie theaters anymore.